This may be the one email forward I enjoyed receiving. I’m reposting it here because it’s never too late to resurrect hilarity:

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
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Popularity: 4% [?]

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Yeah, yeah. We get it. You hate America:

America’s current economic turmoil is “divine punishment” for Washington’s treatment of the Palestinian people, a Hamas leader said during a Friday sermon.

Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh of the Hamas-ruled Gaza Strip said God was penalizing the US for supporting an Israeli-led blockade of the Strip. Haniyeh said God’s punishment would also extend to America’s allies.

“This is divine punishment, because of America’s embargo of the Palestinian people,” said Haniyeh, who devoted much of his 45-minute sermon in a Gaza City mosque to attacking the US.

But excuse me, Prime Minister Haniyeh. How exactly is the Palestinian economy faring?

As of December 2006, unemployment has risen from 23% in 2005[1] to over 50%. Two-thirds of Palestinians are living below the poverty line. In the last four months, approximately 10,000 have emigrated from the territories, and approximately 50,000 have applied to do so. For the past nine months, the 160,000 civil service workers, who are the primary breadwinners for a third of households, have not received their full salaries due to the cuts in foreign aid.[2] As a result of the Israeli blockade on the territory, 85 percent of factories are shut or operating at less than 20 percent capacity. Israel estimates that its own businesses are losing $2 million a day from the closing, but Gaza is losing $1 million a day, an amount it is less able to afford.[3]

That’s what I thought. Insert foot in mouth whenever you’re ready, Haniyeh.

Popularity: 2% [?]

The National Debt Clock has run out of space to display the $10 trillion of debt America has now surpassed.

Remember when gas stations ran out of the number “4″ to put on their signage when prices skyrocketed? Well, there’s a similar predicament in Times Square.

The National Debt Clock has run out of spaces to display $10 trillion in red numerals.

By adding $100 billion to bail out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and $700 billion to bail out banks and the credit market, there’s no room for more zeroes.

[source]

Popularity: 3% [?]

Update on X-band radar

This may be the most ridiculous statement I’ve heard from the IDF as of late:

Israel is wary of the deployment of the new US high-powered radar facility in the Negev, Israeli officials were quoted as saying Thursday.

“It’s a like a pair of golden handcuffs on Israel,” one top official told Time Magazine.

The magazine reported that IDF officials feared that although the radar would enhance Israel’s protection against Iran, it might also reveal Israel’s military secrets to the US.

The radar will allow the US to keep a close watch on anything moving in Israeli skies, “even a bee”, a top Israeli official, who asked not to be identified, told Time.

“Even a husband and wife have a few things they would like to keep from each other,” said the official. “Now we’re standing without our clothes off in front of America.”

I heart Israel just like a vast majority of Americans heart Israel. But really?  We’re in one of the most sensitive and potentially destructive times for the State of Israel (Iranian threat).  Is it just me or does this concern of revealing secrets to the United States sound more like hurt pride over American technology run by American soldiers on Israeli soil?

Popularity: 3% [?]

The American people sure do love a quitter.  Especially the blue collar folks in Michigan who’s unemployment rate is the highest in the nation at 8.9%.  America really needs a president who turns his back on one of the neediest states in the union:

Senator John McCain is giving up on his efforts to win the state of Michigan, his campaign said Thursday, in the latest sign that the faltering economy has reshaped the presidential race and cost McCain support in crucial states.

The McCain campaign has spent nearly $8 million on ads in Michigan, according to the Campaign Media Analysis Group, a company that monitors political advertising, and now it has no more plans to advertise there, campaign officials said. And McCain canceled a visit he had planned to make to Michigan next week.

McCain had long made it clear that the state was central to his presidential hopes, returning there to campaign again and again and bluntly telling a crowd at a factory in Belleville this July that “the state of Michigan, as it has in many elections in the past, will determine who the next president of the United States is.” His campaign announced its retreat on a day that the news of his ceding the state was almost sure to be drowned out by the buzz created by the much-anticipated vice-presidential debate.

You said it, McCain, not me.

Popularity: 3% [?]