First word that comes to mind- Ew. Second word- Seriously???

In an election season where race, gender, religion, and other such topics have been on the tips of all the wagging tongues- isn’t it time to talk about the issues that really will matter to people when the elections are all over? That’s what the Chicago Sun-Times focused on today with this article about how sexy our various candidates are.

Wait… What?!?!?

That’s right, what is to follow is one writer’s impressions of our candidates sex lives…

John Edwards

Soft-spoken and classically handsome, Edwards would definitely win the Mr. Congeniality race. His Southern charm and devotion to his wife and family is not exactly wet-T-shirt sexy, but it still sets a few hearts aflutter. Despite his conservative appearance, Edwards is pro-choice and against the amendment to ban same-sex marriage, which suggests that he is open-minded and learned about sexual discourse.

Rudy Giuliani

Giuliani’s love life, from his multiple marriages to his rumored affairs, has long been speculated upon by the media. However, in recent months, the world’s mayor has become a tamer, desexualized version of his former self. Whether this can be attributed to his recent bout with prostate cancer or his efforts to win the presidency, Giuliani is now a rather frigid candidate. This new cold professionalism might win him more votes, but if he is trying to be the least sexual candidate, John McCain has already left him in the dust.

John McCain

War veteran and grandfather, McCain is a far cry from a sexy man in uniform. He simply does not put sex on the table. With his snow-white hair and no-nonsense demeanor, McCain is more of grandfather figure, which makes him fit in perfectly with Americans’ favorite ex-presidents. Not to worry, you will never see him endorsing Viagra a la Bob Dole.

Hillary Clinton

Despite being well-groomed and attractive, Hillary conveys a kind of asexuality. Her clothing is modest and her demeanor even more so. Unfortunately, like many women in power, it seems Hillary has stripped herself of the trappings of sexuality and femininity in order to seem powerful enough to be president. Although her years as a jilted wife and recent tears after the New Hampshire primaries may have softened her image, it seems Hillary has inherited Margaret Thatcher’s closet of boxy suits and turtlenecks in her attempt to inherit the White House.

Mike Huckabee

Preacher. Moving right along …

Mitt Romney

Salt-and-peppered Mitt Romney might be termed a silver fox by some, but his tendency to flip-flop on certain issues belies his discomfort with sexuality. Despite originally supporting age-appropriate sex education, Romney recently mocked Barack Obama for recommending sex-ed for kindergartners. Romney has also changed his stance for same-sex marriage, disregarding previous comments he made supporting the LGBT community. His obvious discomfort with issues of sexuality has led some voters to question his bid for the presidency.

Barack Obama

Good-looking and charismatic, Obama exudes the most sex appeal of the bunch. Not only does he appear to be fit and virile, but also his beautiful wife and daughters are testament to his sexuality and his happy marriage. In fact, Obama has his very own self-proclaimed sexy fan club, the Obama Girls. Even Kennedy didn’t have that!

It is also interesting to note that Obama is outspoken about the importance of sex education and reproductive rights. It seems that Obama is a man who is comfortable with sexuality, both inside and outside the Oval Office — which makes him a winner in my book.

At least the writer used this somewhat sensationalized commentary to highlight some of the candidates stances on things like pro-life vs/ pro-choice, and gay marriage rights, but at the same time, this seems kind’ve a tabloid way of going about it. Just saying.

Popularity: 11% [?]